Monday, August 20, 2012

There are no words...

I am not sure how to say this, how to put the words together to give some kind of explanation of what the last 34 days has been like. To say the least it is has been my worst nightmare. You see my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. My husband, who has never been a smoker, was told he had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to his brain, muscles, bowel, kidneys... just all over his body and then just 10 days later he was gone. Shock is the only word that continues to come to mind and how the hec did we get here? It is more than my heart and head can even grasp right now. So that being said, don't be surprised if you don't see me around this blog for a while.
He was my rock, he made me laugh, he reminded me to not be so serious, he believed in me and always encouraged me, he gave me 2 beautiful children and helped me raise to others. I will miss him so...
 It sounds like such a cliche until it happens to you, each day is ALL we have, make sure the people you love know it!

39 comments:

Tam said...

Laura, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart grieves for you & I will be praying for you & your family!

Danni Baird @ Silo Hill Farm said...

Oh my...I am so sorry for you loss. I will be thinking of you and praying for you as you are trying to recover from this sadness. Thank you for the reminder of the not so cliche, cliche!

Lady of the Woods said...

omg, I never know how to appropriately respond to this kind of heartbreak, but I'm writing to let you know my heart is with you, a stranger, but with you anyway .......it will pray for you.

SarahMarie said...

My heart is breaking for you! I'm soo sooo sorry for your loss and I hope you can find peace in the wonderful memories you have had with him. I'll be thinking of you as you work through these tough days.

Tracie Johnson said...

My deepest sympathies. I can not say that I know how you feel at this moment, only tell you that you are surrounded by love and prayers to lift you up.

Rona Gregory said...

So very, very sorry Laura. This has to be everyones worst nightmare. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Ceekay-THINKIN of HOME/Doublewide Decor said...

I am so sorry. Cancer is terrible. And to go so quickly is harder still for you. No words would be adequate...just know that you have my sympathy for you and your family.

Patricia Montgomery said...

Keeping you in my prayers. So sorry for your loss.

Ashley Houck said...

Your post made me stop dead in my tracks today. I will be praying for you & your family through this extreme loss & the process of going through a lot of 'firsts' without your husband. Sending lots of prayers & love your way. Ashley

Renee said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family.

NellJean said...

I can't imagine the sorrow you feel. I hope it is a small comfort to know that strangers know and care.

Hi I'm Amanda said...

Oh Laura... sending massive prayers your way and and asking God to wrap his arms around you.

rebecca @ older and wisor said...

WHAT??? LAURA!! I cannot even IMAGINE what you must be going through. I'm in the middle of helping with one of my friends funeral which is tomorrow....brain aneurysm....much too young to go. I'm sending my prayers in your direction.

Jennie said...

I'm just in shock. My heart aches for you. I can't imagine what you must feel. How quick this all happened! Please know there are people, strangers like me, thinking and praying for you and your family!!

Comeca Jones said...

I will say a pray for you.

Country Mouse said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know I do not know your pain, but please know that I will pray for God to give you strength, peace and understanding. Many hugs,
audrey

Jeanie said...

So sad for your loss. I pray God's peace and comfort for you. There is a great book that has helped me through grief and it is called. "Grieving the loss of Someone you Love." I hope you can find it and I hope it helps you.
May your wonderful memories sustain you.

Anna See said...

So shocking, so sad, so hard! Praying for you as you grieve. XOXO

Rupa said...

Dear, dear Laura, I'm so sorry for you loss! Please accept my deepest condolences. Praying for you and you family.

Andrews girl said...

Im so sorry for your loss. I don't know you, but I just wanted to let you know that my heart is with you, I will be praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Prayers for you and your family!

Tammy said...

Just dropping by b/c I had you on my mind tonight. Saying extra prayers for you.Hugs, Tammy

Tammy said...

That's Tammy@beatrice banks.blogspot.com

Sharon-The OKI StampQueen said...

Laura--my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. I, too, lost my beloved soul mate to lung cancer. Find a Stephen Minister--free, non-denominational, someone to "throw up" as I called it-I am one-as well as a SM leader-just call a church in your area and ask if they are a SM congregation or know of one. It's well worth it. I wouldn't be here had it not been for SM. Don't try to walk this path alone... Prayers. Blessings, Sharon

Jan Elizabeth said...

Dear Laura,
This is the first time I've been to your blog, and to see such terrible news...I'm so sorry. I wish you strength and much love around you and your kids as you all try to learn to live without your beloved husband.

I hope it's alright if I sign up today and follow along, see how you are doing.

MamaLadyBug said...

So very sorry for your loss. You're so right, words cannot express the feelings. I found your blog today and was excited to see your photo as you look so very full of fun. I'd love to meet you someday. But today, I'd just love to give you a hug and tell you that I wish you the best support a person can have. {{{hugs}}}

Anonymous said...

Laura, I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful husband. A friend of mine was diagnosed with lung cancer six years ago and she was never a smoker either. The only thing the doctors think caused it was that their home was found to have radon gas so I was wondering if you should have yours checked out for that. Especially since you said earlier that you've lived in your house a long time and maybe radon testing wasn't required back when you first moved in. It can be remediated and you can then have some peace of mind about any further issues for yourself and your children and grandchildren. Sometimes we wonder about these things and find reasons and often there is no reason found except that we live in a flawed world----may the Lord comfort and strengthen you and yours.

Sandi M said...

Cancer keeps proving over and over that a person doesn't have to be a smoker to get it. Sadly, I hear it more and more. My heart goes out to you and your family. I do hope you have a good support system to hold your hand and heart through all of this. I will include you in my prayers.

Sheer Serendipity said...

My neighbor passed away two weeks ago also from lung cancer and she did not smoke a day in her life. It is truly heart breaking to hear such sorrow. My prayers are with you and your family! Please surround yourself with family and friends, even though you may want to be alone. Being around people will help you through you time of grieving. Prayers for you and your family.

HoleyCow Designs said...

I keep trying to find words to say.. This is so close to my home and heart.. I wish I have just the words you needed to allow you to go on another minute.. Just know that even tho we have never met.. your family is surrounded by love and prayer in the good times.. and bad.. Let us be here if you need us..

Princess Kate said...

I wish I had magic words to take the pain away but I just don't have that gift. I will say prayers and ask for comfort though and hope that my prayers find you healing. Blessings.

Rebeca Trevino said...

hello
i just today found your blog by way of Dysfunctional Designs, where she posted about creative uses for maps and atlases.
she referenced a project you did on maps on canvas. while i was here, i kept surfing your site to see what else you do. i am glad i did, i love what you do.
i am so sorry to read about your husbands passing. your story has reminded me to appreciate each day with my family. thank you for that.
i hope you are feeling better. you will feel better, you will never forget, but you will feel better.

Cath said...

Laura, I was commenting on Ashley Ann's blog and read your comment just above mine. I had to pop over here to say - my heart aches for you at your tragic loss - there are no words that can ease your pain. I will pop back in again soon to say hi. You are in my thoughts. Cath x

Denise Ramsden said...

Just wanted to let you know that I woke up thinking about you this morning and that you are heavy on my heart today and in my prayers. You are not alone!

Veronica S Ramos said...

Wow I repined one of your Halloween ideas, so I copied and pasted your name in the search window to see your other ideas, and the first thing that I read was the short story of your "Beloved" husband died from lung cancer. I don't know you but you are a strong individual, you will get through this for you and your children. What you do for them they will take with them for their own. So knowing that your husband was your pedestal and you being by his side, gives your kids that no matter what happens God gives you the strength to move forward. I have been married for 26 years and have 3 children (21, 16, 8), I've always have told them to continue your dreams and what makes you happy. So Ms Smartie Pants, you too continue your dreams cause those dreams are for your husband. Take Care and great to meet you.

Ceekay-THINKIN of HOME/Doublewide Decor said...

Just checking in to see how you are doing....I know this must be so difficult for you....and I am so sorry...take care and we miss you in Blogland.

Anonymous said...

This morning while I was on Pinterest, I was telling my husband how I wished I knew this woman who has her arms stretched out wide and a beautiful smile on her face called Ms Smartie Pants. I decided to go to your blog. Now I have tears in my eyes. I can not imagine my life without my dear husband. My deepest, deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family. I'm sending this with my arms stretched out in love to you and hoping you will receive my message.Lesley Kemp

Colleen Jorgensen said...

Hello, dear Laura. A mutual blogger friend told me of your loss. I am so deeply, deeply sorry. Unfortunately, I have an idea how you feel as I lost my husband on May 14, completely and totally unexpectedly.

I wish I had some words of comfort but there are none. There are simply no words that can take away the pain. I know that.

I wish I could tell you it gets easier. After nearly 5 months I still expect him to walk thru the door. But there are times when the depression isn't so deep or the pain so sharp.

Someone compared the loss to a marching band - at first it's blaring in your head. Eventually it moves down the street, around the block. But you ALWAYS hear it.

I am nowhere near healed. I just wanted to let you know I care. My online friends kept me going when irl family & friends couldn't. (That's another story ;) But you do what works for YOU. No one knows but you and at first you might not know yourself.

For me it was painting and blogging, as Marlon would've wanted. It hasn't been easy, I'll tell you. But I've stuck it out and will continue to do so.

I pray you find some measure of peace & comfort today and in each and every coming day.

God Bless You.

Kathy Shea Mormino said...

I'd like to invite you to join me at the Clever Chicks Blog Hop this week! http://www.the-chicken-chick.com/2012/11/clever-chicks-blog-hop-8-and-rural.html

I hope to see you there!
Cheers!
Kathy Shea Mormino
The Chicken Chick

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