I've seen it happen time and time again. We all share our creativity and thriftiness on these blogs and then a day comes where a bit of real life creeps in. We've seen people loose homes, be diagnosed with an illness, loose loved ones, face addiction and so on. While my momentary sadness has got me feeling blue, it is nothing compared to loosing my house, health or someone I love, and for that I am grateful, nevertheless I am still a little sad.
You see my son moved out this weekend. He is my 3rd son so you would think that I would be used to this but it just isn't so! He is 20 and has every right to move out and start a new chapter in his life. After all it is what we have been working on since the day he was born right? Isn't every step they take from that first day a step toward independence? I have been flooded with many emotions these last several days. I am concerned about his plans/situation, not what I would have picked for him, but he is 20 and so my advice.... well lets just say he isn't that concerned about what I am thinking right now. The irony in all of this is that I have dreamt of the day when my children were grown and I would be able to have some freedom and maybe a little time to do the things I never did because they needed me and now I find myself sad, lonely and sitting in a quiet room. Why did this sound so attractive? Here is the deal. I have never been one of those moms who feels her whole self worth is wrapped up in her kids. I have always made some time for myself and have interest of my own, even if it was a late night movie with a friend once the kids were in bed. I have joked for years about all that I would do when this day comes and suddenly I can't remember a bit of it. I am hoping that this is temporary, Just today I realized I can now read a book for enjoyment and no one will need a drink of water or help with homework or for me to break up a fight. That is good isn't it??? The thing is, I used to be on my feet from the time I got home from work taking care of the kids, the house and all that included and now I have one left at home and not so much is needed. I find myself with lots of time. And here is the deal, it isn't just the time that I am struggling with, it's the change, all of it. I want to go back and have my child hold my hand as we walk thru the mall or see them celebrate as they score a goal, or cuddle up in my lap and read a book. But the fact is those things aren't going to happen. People say all the time that they don't regret a thing and I wonder are they being honest. Because I for the most part worked at being a good mom who was present for my children as much a possible but I regret that I was so busy with the day to day that I didn't figure out a way to really absorb the greatness that they were/are. And yes, some day there will be grandchildren and I will be a part of some of these things again but it isn't ever going to be the same as it was when my children were little and I can honestly say I regret that! So where is this post going? I don't know. It isn't my intent to be a downer. I am doing better really. I had a big old talk with myself yesterday and I have some plans. I will fill up my time and while it will be different it will still be good. But, let me say this to all the moms out there without sounding corny. You may be tired and frustrated, and have self doubt and wonder what happened to you, and who are you, and are you ever going to get thru these tough years, (they're all tough years), but please just enjoy it. Love your babies and savor every moment because one day they are going to take themselves, their stuff and make a life under a different roof. And you, well you will wonder where the time went and what you are going to do with all the time on your hands.
Happy Mother's Day!