I've seen it happen time and time again. We all share our creativity and thriftiness on these blogs and then a day comes where a bit of real life creeps in. We've seen people loose homes, be diagnosed with an illness, loose loved ones, face addiction and so on. While my momentary sadness has got me feeling blue, it is nothing compared to loosing my house, health or someone I love, and for that I am grateful, nevertheless I am still a little sad.
You see my son moved out this weekend. He is my 3rd son so you would think that I would be used to this but it just isn't so! He is 20 and has every right to move out and start a new chapter in his life. After all it is what we have been working on since the day he was born right? Isn't every step they take from that first day a step toward independence? I have been flooded with many emotions these last several days. I am concerned about his plans/situation, not what I would have picked for him, but he is 20 and so my advice.... well lets just say he isn't that concerned about what I am thinking right now. The irony in all of this is that I have dreamt of the day when my children were grown and I would be able to have some freedom and maybe a little time to do the things I never did because they needed me and now I find myself sad, lonely and sitting in a quiet room. Why did this sound so attractive? Here is the deal. I have never been one of those moms who feels her whole self worth is wrapped up in her kids. I have always made some time for myself and have interest of my own, even if it was a late night movie with a friend once the kids were in bed. I have joked for years about all that I would do when this day comes and suddenly I can't remember a bit of it. I am hoping that this is temporary, Just today I realized I can now read a book for enjoyment and no one will need a drink of water or help with homework or for me to break up a fight. That is good isn't it??? The thing is, I used to be on my feet from the time I got home from work taking care of the kids, the house and all that included and now I have one left at home and not so much is needed. I find myself with lots of time. And here is the deal, it isn't just the time that I am struggling with, it's the change, all of it. I want to go back and have my child hold my hand as we walk thru the mall or see them celebrate as they score a goal, or cuddle up in my lap and read a book. But the fact is those things aren't going to happen. People say all the time that they don't regret a thing and I wonder are they being honest. Because I for the most part worked at being a good mom who was present for my children as much a possible but I regret that I was so busy with the day to day that I didn't figure out a way to really absorb the greatness that they were/are. And yes, some day there will be grandchildren and I will be a part of some of these things again but it isn't ever going to be the same as it was when my children were little and I can honestly say I regret that! So where is this post going? I don't know. It isn't my intent to be a downer. I am doing better really. I had a big old talk with myself yesterday and I have some plans. I will fill up my time and while it will be different it will still be good. But, let me say this to all the moms out there without sounding corny. You may be tired and frustrated, and have self doubt and wonder what happened to you, and who are you, and are you ever going to get thru these tough years, (they're all tough years), but please just enjoy it. Love your babies and savor every moment because one day they are going to take themselves, their stuff and make a life under a different roof. And you, well you will wonder where the time went and what you are going to do with all the time on your hands.
Happy Mother's Day!
10 comments:
Ohhhhhhh Laura - my heart is breaking for you! I haven't gotten to that phase (and with our special needs kiddo we'll never have a completely empty nest), but my children are at the ages now that I can just FEEL the time flying by so fast that I want to slow it down....if only just a little. I'm grateful that I've recognized it NOW while they're home, rather than later, but I also don't want to be a complete sap every moment of the day ;) Thank you for your wise perspective, for I do remember back when I had 5 kids under 7 and wanting to go running for the hills....it seemed that madness would never end!
Good advice to the younger mothers! It's today that counts, the little things that make the memories.
I'm an empty nester too. The art, the dog, the hubby who's always sleeping are my life...
It's really hard some days. We seem to muddle through. Motherhood strengthens us, we just need to remember how to take care of ourselves.
This made me so sad. I'm a mother of 3 year old twin boys and I love them so much. They are the joy of our lives. I'm an older mother (43) so I feel like I appreciate them more than I would have in my twenties. But even so, there are days, times when I allow myself to get caught up in what I "need" to get done or what I "want" to accomplish and I don't take the time to savor the moments, like you said, and I really need to make a point to put those things aside and love my babies at every possible opportunity. Thank you for this reminder to me and my prayers are with you.
Mothers who have one child or mothers who have six children are both going to reach the point when their kids are....dare I say it??....grown up. When the last one takes that very last box filled with whatever has been hiding in the back of his closet for the last 12 years, the house will echo every sound, thehouse suddenly loses its color and verve! The mother will decide to make one last sweep to make sure nothing was forgotten. "Oh, a sock!! I can drive to Denver from Miami to get his favorite sock back to him!! Right???"
Courage, my dears, you will survive as will they. After you've gotten past those first few weeks of empty nest, it won't take long before you turn his room into a crafts room, and you're looking at brochures for getaway weekends....or CRUISES! Then at some point they'll come for an extended visit, and oh my word, you'll wonder how you ever put up with them for sooo long!! :)
You made me cry! My heart is aching for you. Mine are 15,12, and 11 and I already think about this day. Although I love to relax and read a magazine, I'd rather be helping with homework and driving them from A to B like a chicken with its head cut off.
I am so sorry this day has come for you although we know it is inevitable. Although they are "gone" they will always love their mama....Enjoy your mother's day....That is something you will always have no matter where they are.
Take care,
Lisa
That is so sad, you made me cry too! I feel exactly what you are feeling, only I'm 16 1/2 years ahead of schedule, meaning my daughter is 3 1/2 yrs old now.
In my case, I think I'm going to be home schooling her. One reason is because I want to be around her as much as I can, since she's our only child, unfortunately. Also, there is a lot of bullying coming into our schools where I live.
Oh Laura! You are a fantastic mother. I loved reading this post because it helps me appreciate these moments when my youngest won't even let me put him down and I feel like screaming. Thanks for writing from your heart. I hope you're feeling better. I think you are amazing.
Cheri
Oh my, I feel your sadness too. I had this talk with myself this afternoon when my kids wanted me to jump on the trampoline with them and I didn't want to really, I wanted a little Mommy time. However that voice in my head said..."this is not going to happen for ever, soon they won't ask you to do anything with them. So go while you have the chance!" So I went and we had a great time and took a ton of pictures. I am learning to take the moments when they come because I do know that they don't last forever. Thanks for sharing, we all need to remember this so we chose to LIVE the moment.
Thanks for sharing-I really needed to hear this now as a tired working mommy letting too many moments slip away
Love this post but super sad for you! I think I will bookmark it for those tough days. Thanks so much for sharing!
Post a Comment